How to Help Your Children Be Free of
Stress and Anxiety
By Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

What do you want most for your children?
Dr.Wayne W.Dyer,father of eight children, has spent plenty of
time trying to figure out just that! Get his five suggestions
to help your children live happy and stress-free lives without
limits.

To be in your children's memories tomorrow,
you have to be in their lives today.



Everyone is entitled to feel peaceful within; happiness and
fulfillment are the birthright of every single human being on
our planet. Twenty-five years ago, I wrote a book called
"What Do You Really Want for Your Children? At that time, I
wanted to offer a way for parents to help their children achieve
what moms and dads around the world want for their kids: to
value themselves, to be risk-takers, to be self-reliant, to be
free from stress and anxiety, to have peaceful lives, to celebrate
their present moments, to experience a lifetime of wellness, to be
creative, to fulfill their higher needs and to feel a sense of
purpose—that is, to be no-limit people.As a parent of eight children,
I consider it my greatest parenting achievement that my kids are now
all no-limit adults.

When I learned my voice was going to be used in an animated Pixar
film, it reminded me that we are, in fact, all still children inside,
striving as adults to be all the things we want for our kids. While
our entire world seems to be anxiety-ridden these days, I offer the
following suggestions I wrote to parents 25 years ago, the children
of whom likely have their own kids today. See if they work in your
efforts with children, regardless of their ages, and even with
yourself, since you too have a child inside who wants to come out and
enjoy life.

1.Relax in your efforts to have young children get ahead of the game
early in life.


It is not necessary to spend endless hours teaching children reading,
math, foreign languages and the like, long before school begins.
While it is absolutely wonderful and helpful to allow them to explore
everything as young toddlers, the pressure to excel, to be ahead of
the other children, all in the name of being fast and first at what
they do, is putting the anxiety pressure on when they are still in

diapers. Children need to develop at their own pace. They will walk
when they are ready. They will not embarrass themselves in college
with dirty diapers simply because they are not toilet trained sooner
than other toddlers. It will come. Relax. Do no force them. Allow
them to enjoy their young years. While it is nice to be highly
motivated, it is also nice to be well balanced. Being able to relax
and enjoy life is at least equal, if not superior, to being at the
head of the class and always being nervous inside because of an
inordinate need to be first.

2.Examine your own life for stress that you may be modeling.

Stop trying to be the perfect mother, father, wife, single parent,
homemaker, teacher, aunt, counselor or whatever. There is no such
thing as a flawless person, so why not give up that ghost in favor
of being a stress-free, happy person? You will never be appreciated
by everyone all the time for everything you do, and any amount of
upset you have because people do not appreciate you is a waste of
your present moments. Do the things you do because you choose to do
them, not so you will be seen as perfect. The best role model you
can be is one who is happy, stress-free and feeling good about
yourself.

3.Give children an opportunity to have the luxury of a sense of
privacy.

Don't make them feel pressured to be with other people all the
time. Children need to learn how to be alone.
Many children complain constantly that they are bored, they have
nothing to do and they hate leisure time. These are the sentiments
of children who have grown up thinking others have a duty to keep
them entertained. They have always had some kind of activity, and
if they get bored, then someone will take care of things for them
by taking them somewhere or turning on the TV or buying a new toy.
This is a child who is growing up expecting action all the time.
This translates to anxiety about having to be alone. Let them play
alone; in fact, encourage it. Expose them to books, newspapers and
magazines right from the very beginning. Let them have a place where
they can go to be alone without feeling that they are doing something
wrong. Privacy is terrifically important as a way to avoid anxiety,
and the child who experiences it when very young, and learns not to
be threatened by it, will have a big head start on not feeling anxious
when "there is nothing to do."

4.Explain to your children that it's not all about winning.

Try to remove the pressure on children to acquire external rewards
throughout their lives.
Help them to focus on the pure enjoyment of playing baseball,rather
than on winning a trophy. Teach them to love baseball all of their
lives, rather than learn to avoid it because they are not supremely
talented at it. Do not give them early reasons to avoid anything in
life, which is precisely what you do when you place the emphasis on
achieving external awards rather than internal fulfillment. Rather
than focusing solely on a report card grade, which is less important
later in life, talk with them about what they are studying, how they
can apply it in life, whether they are happy with themselves in school,
what they like to study and what meaning they see in it for them now
and in the future. If they pursue only the award, once they have
attained it, they may no longer wish to pursue that area or endeavor.
I would assume you want your children to love music, not to pass the
obligatory music class and then disavow any interest in music for a
lifetime. Teach them the inner joy of learning and applying what they
gain for themselves.

5.Let children set their own goals for themselves.
 
Stay out of the way of their grandiose dreams except to serve as a
positive encourager. Most children are afraid of their own greatness
and set their sights too low, or they are the product of parental
interference in which parents,well intentioned though they may be,tell
their children what they should aim for in life. If an 10- year- old
girl wants to be a doctor, encourage her to dream in that direction,
even if she hasn't shown what you think are the appropriate aptitudes
or attitudes.

 If she is not going to become a doctor, she will make the adjustments
as she goes along, and there is no problem in having to adjust one's goals.
If you tell children they cannot do something or to be more realistic,
you are only teaching them to distrust themselves and to become
unnecessarily anxious about something that will surely work itself out.
Why it's important to raise no-limit children.

No-limit children have learned a different response to the same
stimuli because they know the world to be friendly. Their behavior
is meant "for the best," or at least their mistakes are "honest."
Therefore, if an action goes awry, it does not elicit feelings of guilt.
Remorse, learning, redoing and improving are possible responses instead.
Rather than worry, a no-limit child sees future events as exciting
adventures, opportunities to grow, chances for fun challenges and new
experiences. Since self-worth is not tied to performance, the worry about
"doing well" is eliminated.

 No-limit children are "doers," and guilt and worry do not do anything.
 Thus, it is very unlikely they would bother themselves with  negative
thinking or destructive behaviors.
Living is not a race; it is a journey, something to be enjoyed each day.
You can do a great deal to help children to understand this important
truth, and you will get a nice bonus as well—that is, a lot less anxiety
for yourself as part of the bargain.
Some time ago, my mother wrote me the following poem that summarizes
beautifully the feeling I want to convey to anyone involved in a child's
life.
A mother can but guide ...
then step aside—I knew
I could not say,"This is the way
that you should go."

For I could not forsee
what paths might beckon you
to unimagined heights
that I might never know.

Yet, always in my heart
I realized
That you would touch a star . . .
I'm not surprised!
— Hazel Dyer

You can help your own children to touch their own stars if you follow
that important advice. Guide, then step aside.